最近事情比较多，没能及时更新，向大家说声抱歉！
在下文中，罗素谈及了家庭的话题，尤其谈到父母与子女的关系问题。呵呵，看来，这真的是一个永远无法回避，但也永远没有标准答案的话题。
回想自己与父母的关系，自己跟女儿的关系，然后再抬起头来看看周围的朋友们，看看年轻一代们与子女的关系——我不得不说，亲子关系真的是我们一生中所遭遇的最大的难题，没有之一。
对于这个话题，我也没有答案，我唯一能够说的是，好好关爱孩子，无论何时，千万不要像许许多多走火入魔的虎妈狼爸一样那样苛求，不要让对孩子学习成绩的渴望压倒了你对孩子最根本的期望，那就是孩子的身体健康和心灵健康，同时还包括家庭的和睦和幸福。
最后，提醒一句：不要说完网上看到的无数案例，我自己身边就有很大比例的朋友跟自己的父母，尤其是跟自己的父亲关系很差，差到几十年过去都无法缓和，无法原谅。所以，忘却了根本而谈成绩，那一定是缘木求鱼，甚至南辕北辙，别做自己将来会后悔的事情。
下面，进入正文——
Chapter 13: The family
第十三章 论家庭
Of all the institutions that have come down to us from the past none is in the present day so disorganised and derailed as the family. Affection of parents for children and of children for parents is capable of being one of the greatest sources of happiness, but in fact at the present day the relations of parents and children are, in nine cases out of ten, a source of unhappiness to both parties, and in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred a source of unhappiness to at least one of the two parties. This failure of the family to provide the fundamental satisfaction which in principle it is capable of yielding is one of the most deep-seated causes of the discontent which is prevalent in our age. The adult who wishes to have a happy relation with his own children or to provide a happy life for them must reflect deeply upon parenthood, and, having reflected, must act wisely. The subject of the family is far too vast to be dealt with in this volume except in relation to our own special problem, namely the conquest of happiness. And even in relation to that problem we can deal with it only in so far as amelioration lies within the power of each individual without alterations in the social structure.
由前人传承而来的所有体系中，没什么东西比当今的家庭关系更混乱脱轨的了。父母对孩子的爱以及孩子对父母的爱本应成为幸福最大的源泉之一，但事实上在如今十之八九的家庭却成为双方不幸的来源，同时，在99%的情况下成为至少其中一方的不幸根源。
家庭无法给人本可以提供的最基本的满足，这是我们的时代普遍存在的不满的最根本的原因之一。如果成人想要与孩子保持轻松愉悦的关系，或者给孩子幸福的生活，那么，他们必须就亲子关系进行深入地思考，并付诸明智的行动。
关于家庭的课题实在太大了，在此我们无法进行详尽的讨论，因此，本章中我们将仅就追求幸福相关的内容进行讨论，甚至，我们会将范围限制在无须社会结构的改变，而只靠个人能力就可改进的范围内进行讨论。
英国作家奥利弗·哥德史密斯（Oliver Goldsmith）作品：《威克菲尔德牧师传》（The Vicar of Wakefield）
This is, of course, a very grave limitation, for the causes of family unhappiness in our day are of the most diverse sorts, psychological, economic, social, educational, and political. Where the well-to-do sections of the community are concerned, two causes have combined to make women feel parenthood a burden far heavier than it was ever felt to be in former times. These two causes are, on the one hand, the opening of careers to single women; on the other hand, the decay of domestic service. In old days women were driven into marriage by the intolerable conditions of life for the spinster. The spinster had to live at home in economic dependence, first upon her father, and then upon some reluctant brother. She had no occupations to fill her days and no liberty to enjoy herself outside the sheltered walls of the family mansion. She had neither the opportunity nor the inclination for sexual adventure, which she herself profoundly believed to be an abomination except within marriage. If, in spite of all safeguards, she lost her virtue through the wiles of some designing fascinator, her situation was pitiable in the extreme. It is delineated quite accurately in The Vicar of Wakefield:
当然，这是一个非常严肃的限定，这是因为，在我们当今时代，家庭不幸的原因多种多样：有心理方面的、经济方面的、社会方面的、教育方面的，以及政治方面的等等。
对于社会中富裕阶层所关注的问题来说，有两个原因搅合在一起，让女人们觉得亲子关系是一个比以往沉重太多的责任。这两种原因是，一方面，职业生涯向单身女性敞开了大门；另一方面，家政服务逐渐衰落。
在以前，老姑娘们是因为无法忍受生活环境而不得不选择了婚姻——那时，未婚女性因为经济原因不得不呆在家里，先是依靠父亲，之后又需要依靠不情不愿的兄弟。她没有工作来填充自己的生活，也无法离开家庭享受自由。她既没有机会，也没有意愿去做性的冒险，她深信婚外性行为是令人厌恶的事情。而倘若她突破了重重的保护，迷惑于某个花花公子的花言巧语，从而丧失了自己的美德，她的处境就会变得极为可怜。英国作家奥利弗·哥德史密斯（Oliver Goldsmith）的小说《威克菲尔德牧师传》（The Vicar of Wakefield）极为真切地描绘了这一情景：
The only art her guilt to cover,
To hide her shame from every eye,
To give repentance to her lover
And wring his bosom is—to die.
一心忐忑，难遮浑身罪孽，
众目睽睽，怎掩满面羞惭，
郎心似铁，怎令他悔不当初、痛断肝肠？
——心如枯槁，唯有一死。
The modern spinster does not consider death necessary in these circumstances. If she has had a good education, she has no difficulty in making a comfortable living, and is therefore independent of parental approval. Since parents have lost their economic power over their daughters, they have become much more chary of expressing moral disapproval of them; there is not much use in scolding a person who won't stay to be scolded. The unmarried young woman of the professional classes is therefore able nowadays, provided she is not below the average in intelligence and attractiveness, to enjoy a thoroughly agreeable life so long as she can keep free from the desire for children. But if this desire overwhelms her, she is compelled to marry, and almost certainly to lose her job. She sinks to a much lower level of comfort than that to which she has been accustomed, since her husband's income is very likely no larger than that which she was previously earning, and has to provide for a family instead of only a single woman. After having enjoyed independence, she finds it galling to have to look to another for every penny of necessary expenditure. For all these reasons such women hesitate to embark upon maternity.
现代的大龄未婚女性在这种情况下并不需要考虑轻生的必要性。
如果她受过好的教育，那么，她可以毫不困难地过上舒适的生活，并因此可以独立生活，而用不着获得父母的批准。而由于父母丧失了对于女儿的经济权利，当他们想要对女儿表达道德上的不满时也会更加谨慎，毕竟，想要训斥一个不会乖乖地呆在那挨训的人也没什么用。
对于如今的职业女性来说，假如她的智商和吸引力不低于平均水平，那么，只要她不想要孩子，她就可以享受一种彻彻底底的、轻松愉快的生活。但一旦生儿育女的渴望淹没了她，结婚就是必然的事情，而随之而来的就是失去工作。然后，她的生活水平就会远远不如她所习惯的那么舒适，这是因为丈夫的收入很可能还不如她之前挣得多，同时，这笔钱要养活的还不是一个单身女子，而是一个家庭。在享受过独立生活之后，她会发现哪怕每一个便士的支出都要指望对方是一件让人很难堪的事情。正是由于这些原因，女人们才会对生育子女犹豫不决。
A woman who nevertheless does take the plunge finds herself, as compared with the women of former generations, confronted with a new and appalling problem, namely the paucity and bad quality of domestic service. In consequence of this, she becomes tied to her house, compelled to perform herself a thousand trivial tasks quite unworthy of her ability and training or, if she does not perform them herself, to ruin her temper by scolding the maids who neglect them. In regard to the physical care of her children, if she has taken pains to become well-informed in this matter, she finds that it is impossible, without grave risk of disaster, to entrust the children to nurses, or even to leave to others the most elementary precautions in regard to cleanliness and hygiene, unless she can afford a nurse who has had an expensive training at some institute. Weighed down by a mass of trivial detail, she is fortunate indeed if she does not soon lose all her charm and three-quarters of her intelligence. Too often through the mere performance of necessary duties such women become wearisome to their husbands and a nuisance to their children. When the evening comes and her husband returns from his work, the woman who talks about her day-time troubles is a bore, and the woman who does not is absent-minded. In relation to her children, the sacrifices that she had made in order to have them are so present to her mind that she is almost sure to demand more reward than it is desirable to expect, while the constant habit of attending to trivial details will have made her fussy and small-minded. This is the most pernicious of all the injustices that she has to suffer: that in consequence of doing her duty by her family she has lost their affection, whereas if she had neglected them and remained gay and charming they would probably have loved her.
一个选择了冒险的女人会发现，与前几代女人不同，她面临着一种全新的、可怕的问题，那就是很难找到好的家政服务人员。而结果就是，她被家务拴在了家里，不得不自己来做那些与其能力和所受的训练完全不相称的琐碎杂事；而即使不用自己动手，她也会因为呵责那些佣人而搞坏了心情。
在照顾孩子身体方面，如果她在这方面真的下过了心思，对此很熟悉，那么，她就会发现：除非她能负担得起那些接受过专业机构价格昂贵的培训训练的保姆，否则，如果不冒极大的风险，她根本不敢把孩子交托给保姆，哪怕是把最基本的关于清洁和卫生方面的预防警示这种事情交给他人都不可能。
一个被这些琐事压垮的女人，如果她没有因此而丧失所有的魅力和四分之三的智商，那么她已经够幸运的了。因为总是忙着各种各样的家务琐事，无暇顾及其它，她会渐渐变得令丈夫厌恶，也让孩子嫌弃。
傍晚到来，丈夫下班回到家，如果妻子没完没了地唠叨一天中鸡毛蒜皮的小事，他会觉得妻子是个令人讨厌的人；而妻子如果不这样唠叨，他又会觉得妻子心不在焉。
说到和孩子的关系，她的脑海里永远都铭刻着自己为生儿育女所做的牺牲，所以几乎可以确定她会期望从孩子那里得到更多的回报。同时，由于总是注意琐碎的家务事而养成的习惯，也让她变得挑剔，心胸狭窄。这是她不得不承受的种种不公中最为险恶的遭遇：试想一下，尽心尽力地为全家辛苦操劳，却因此而失去了家人的爱；反之，如果她对家人疏于照顾，保持着自己的快乐和可爱，他们或许还依然爱着她。
These troubles are essentially economic, and so is another which is almost equally grave. I mean the difficulties in regard to housing which result from the concentration of populations in large cities.
这些问题在本质上属于经济问题，另一个几乎同样严重的问题也是如此，我是指大城市由于人口集中所带来的种种困难。
In the Middle Ages cities were as rural as the country is now. Children still sing the nursery rhyme:
在中世纪，城市像如今的乡村一样充满田园气息，而孩子们至今还在唱着这首童谣：
Upon Paul's steeple stands a tree
The little boys of London town
They run with sticks to knock them down.
And then they run from hedge to hedge
Until they come to London Bridge.
保罗塔尖上有棵树，
结满了苹果我够不到，
伦敦城里的小娃娃，
棒打苹果往怀里抱。
翻过篱笆我赶紧逃，
一路跑到了伦敦桥。
Paul's steeple is gone, and I do not know at what date the hedges disappeared between St Paul's and London Bridge. It is many centuries since the little boys of London town could enjoy such pleasures as this rhyme suggests, but until not so very long ago the bulk of the population lived in the country. The towns were not very vast; it was easy to get out of them, and by no means uncommon to find gardens attached to many houses in them. Nowadays there is in England an immense preponderance of the urban over the rural population. In America this preponderance is as yet slight, but it is very rapidly increasing. Cities like London and New York are so large that it takes a very long time to get out of them. Those who live in the city usually have to be content with a flat, to which, of course, not a square inch of soil is attached, and in which people of moderate means have to be content with the absolute minimum of space. If there are young children, life in a flat is difficult. There is no room for them to play, and there is no room for their parents to get away from their noise. Consequently professional men tend more and more to live in the suburbs. This is undoubtedly desirable from the point of view of the children, but it adds considerably to the fatigue of the man's life, and greatly diminishes the part which he can play in the family.
圣保罗教堂的塔尖早已不见，它和伦敦桥之间的篱笆也早在不知道什么时候已经消失无踪。伦敦城里的小孩子能够享受歌谣中这种快乐的日子已经是许多个世纪之前的事情。但是就在不久之前大多数人都还住在乡下，那时，城镇并不是很大，可以很容易地走出城去，看到很多的房子外面围绕着花园也不是什么稀奇的事情。
但是如今，英国的城市居民人数远远多于乡村，而在美国，这一情形虽然尚不严重，但城市人口也正在迅速增加。像伦敦、纽约这样的大城市面积巨大，需要很长的时间才能出城。住在城里的人们能有一套公寓住就心满意足，当然，这公寓连一丝泥土的气息都感受不到，而收入不足的人们也不得不满足于狭小的空间。如果他们有小孩，在公寓里生活就会变得困难起来。没有房间供孩子们玩耍，也没有房间可以让父母躲开孩子的吵闹。因此，那些工薪人员越来越倾向于住在郊区。对于孩子们来说，这无疑是令人向往的事情，但却令成人的生活变得更加疲惫，也大大减少了他在家庭中所能发挥的作用。
Such large economic problems, however, it is not my intention to discuss, since they lie outside the problem with which we are concerned, namely what the individual can here and now do to find happiness. We come nearer to this problem when we pass to the psychological difficulties which exist in the present age in the relations of parents and children. These are really part of the problems raised by democracy. In old days there were masters and slaves: the masters decided what was to be done, and on the whole liked their slaves, since their slaves ministered to their happiness. The slaves may possibly have hated their masters, though this did not happen nearly so universally as democratic theory would have us suppose. But even if they did hate their masters, their masters remained unaware of this fact, and the masters at any rate were happy. With the general acceptance of democratic theory all this was changed: slaves who had acquiesced before ceased to acquiesce; masters who had formerly had no doubts as to their rights became hesitant and uncertain. Friction arose and caused unhappiness on both sides. I am not saying all this as an argument against democracy, for the troubles in question are only such as are inevitable in any important transition. But it is no use to blink the fact that, while this transition is in progress it makes the world uncomfortable.
不过，我所要讨论的不是这么大的经济问题，它们在我们关心的话题之外，而一个个体如何在当下得到幸福，才是我真正关注的问题。
当我们谈及当今时代存在于亲子关系中的心理困境时，我们更接近这一话题，而这些心理困境实际上是民主所带来的问题中的一部分。
在过去的时代，社会上存在着主人和奴隶：由主人决定要做什么，而且总的说来，主人还是喜欢自己的奴隶的，因为奴隶为他们的幸福服务。奴隶们可能会憎恨他们的主人，不过这并不像民主理论所推测的那么普遍。而就算他们憎恨主人，他们的主人也未必知道这个事实，所以，主人无论如何都是幸福的。但自从民主理论被广泛地接受后，所有这一切都变了：曾经驯服的奴隶不再驯服；曾经对自己的权利毫不怀疑的主人也变得游移不定，由此，摩擦出现并导致双方的不幸。
我所说的一切并不是为了反对民主，而只是因为这些问题中的困境在任何重要的转型事情都无法避免。对事实视而不见没有任何用处，当转型继续，它也必然会让世界变得不那么舒服自在。
The change in the relation between parents and children is a particular example of the general spread of democracy. Parents are no longer sure of their rights as against their children; children no longer feel that they owe respect to their parents. The virtue of obedience, which was formerly exacted without question, has become unfashionable, and rightly so. Psycho-analysis has terrified educated parents with the fear of the harm they may unwittingly do their children. If they kiss them, they may produce an Oedipus complex; if they do not they may produce a fury of jealousy. If they order the children to do things they may be producing a sense of sin; if they do not, the children acquire habits which the parents think undesirable. When they see their baby sucking his thumb, they draw all kinds of terrifying inferences, but they are quite at a loss as to what to do to stop him. Parenthood, which used to be a triumphant exercise of power, has become timid, anxious, and filled with conscientious doubts. The old simple joys are lost, and that at the very moment when, owing to the new freedom of single women, the mother has had to sacrifice much more than formerly in deciding upon maternity. In these circumstances conscientious mothers ask too little of their children, and unconscientious mothers ask too much. Conscientious mothers restrain their natural affection and become shy; unconscientious mothers seek in their children a compensation for the joys that they have had to forgo. In the one case the child's affections are starved, in the other they are over-stimulated. In neither case is there any of that simple and natural happiness that the family at its best can provide.
父母与子女之间关系的变化，是民主思想广泛传播的一个特殊例证。
父母不再确定自己对孩子的特权，而孩子也不再觉得自己有义务对父母表示尊敬。在以前，服从作为美德是毋庸置疑的，但如今它已经过时了，而且理当如此。心理分析让受过教育的父母感到担心，生怕自己在不经意间给孩子造成伤害。
如果他们亲吻孩子，可能让孩子产生恋母情结；如果不亲吻孩子，又可能让孩子心生嫉妒。如果命令孩子做事，可能自己会产生负罪感；如果不这样做，孩子又可能染上令人讨厌的恶习。当他们看见婴儿吮吸拇指时，他们脑袋里刻画出各种各样的可怕画面，但他们又不知道该如何阻止。
亲子关系在以往是父母权威的体现， 如今却令父母感到胆怯、焦虑和内心的犹豫。古老而纯朴的欢乐一去不返，而且由于单身女性所获得的新的自由，女人们在决定做母亲的时候，要比以前做出更大的牺牲。
在这种情况下，谨小慎微的母亲对孩子要求太少，而不负责任的母亲对孩子又要求太多。前者抑制着自己的本能的爱而变得羞涩畏缩，而后者则想着为自己放弃的享乐从孩子身上获得补偿。
在一个例子里孩子的爱未能得到满足，而在另一个例子中又受到过度刺激。而无论哪个例子中，都缺乏家庭在最佳状态下才能提供的纯朴而自然的幸福。